Why I am a dork and loser

Well I guess this is my first post. My life is just kinda just passing by. I don’t think I’ve changed much nor have I matured much in the past 3 months since I’ve come back to the States. Life here is pretty much bland if not utterly tedious. Everyday I wonder what will become of me as I stroll through my school watching as everyone seems to be having a great time enjoying their “college experience.” And so I keep wondering to myself why am I not enjoying as well? What seperates me from partaking of the sweet pleasures of college girls, parties, and immature college pranks? Well I thought to myself and realized: I am what I am… a dork and loser for life! muhaha I know you guys are all cheering and in high spirits since you read that last line, cheering on your foolish comrade to continue the life of a dork and loser :P. What’s funny is that I do meet girls and I am invited to parties… I just never do anything about it. Don’t get me wrong I can talk to girls and all, I understand how to flatter, how to please, how to be a gentleman, and all. But I hate looking like I’m hitting on a girl, and I don’t like giving the impression that I am interested in someone. So unless the girl is willing to get away from everyone else and just talk to me individually nothings ever gonna happen. But though we are in this day and age, girls are still shy about making the first move. And if they were to make the first move why would it be towards me someone who rarely looks any girls way. I don’t know I just feel stupid and afraid of criticism against my character and my own self-image that I cannot allow myself these stupid meaningless actions. So I guess I’m a chicken I know I know, but really I couldn’t care less about my image in any other field… and even while I’m sitting here writing I understand that it is completely retarded. But whatever girls and having fun aren’t the only things in this world. So I will follow the path of a devout dork and loser as long as possible and forge ahead paving the way for more to follow. Haha… last night I had a dream well actually a nightmare: I wasn’t a dork and loser anymore! See these few days got me thinking because all my friends suddenly all are coupled up and all. So I guess I dreamt that I was not longer a loser, but a player! crazy huh… anyways I had two girlfriends who both knew each other and were both friends with each other, but didn’t know I was going out with both of them at the same time. So the whole dream I was contemplating on how to either dump one or spill the beans. What was funny was that these two girls were girls that I used to like and in real life they don’t know each other really. Well the personality and faces of the girls kept changing to each and every girl I used to like, but the situation was the same and I didn’t realize that the girls kept changing until I woke up. Anyways I really don’t know what happened in the end because the damn rats in my air conditioning system woke me up with scratching sounds. Haha phew what a relief… I can barely handle the thought of having a girlfriend, much less two! ok well this post was so damn stupid and random… so I’ll end it here. bye!