“Paris Hilton was arrested with cocaine and she claimed that she thought it was chewing gum. She was charged with possession of less than an ounce of common sense.” — David Letterman on Paris Hilton and cocaine … Continue reading…David Letterman On Paris Hilton And Cocaine
“President Obama was in New Orleans for the fifth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Halfway through his speech, FEMA finally showed up.” — Jay Leno on Barack Obama and the 5-Year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina … Continue reading…Jay Leno On Barack Obama And The 5-Year Anniversary Of Hurricane Katrina
“Wyclef Jean has announced that he will run for president of Haiti. He said he hopes the Haitian people will look past the fact that he has very little political experience and forgive him for that horrible remake of ‘We Are The World.'” — Jimmy Kimmel on Wyclef Jean running for president of Haiti … Continue reading…Jimmy Kimmel On Wyclef Jean Running For President Of Haiti
“Health officials in Oregon have shut down a 7-year-old girl’s lemonade stand because she didn’t have a license. Officials haven’t issued a statement yet. They’re busy popping ballon animals and stomping on sand castles.” — Craig Ferguson on Oregon Health Officials shutting down a 7-year-old girl’s lemonade stand … Continue reading…Craig Ferguson On Oregon Health Officials Shutting Down A 7-Year-Old Girl’s Lemonade Stand
“A woman in Houston just gave birth to a healthy set of quintuplets. The mom says she’s excited about her babies, and can’t wait to watch them grow up on whatever channel gives them a reality show.” — Jimmy Fallon on Houston’s newest set of quintuplets … Continue reading…Jimmy Fallon On Houston’s Newest Set Of Quintuplets